Monday, August 26, 2013

Long time no write

It's been over a year since I've written on here. Things had been going so well. I got a house that I love a husband who loves me unconditionally but I'm still depressed. I've been wanting to cut more and more everyday its such a release for me but I've been really good and haven't cut in over a year :). I just don't know what's wrong with me im sad and depressed.i wish I had a happy switch. I feel so bad that I can't be happy and I feel like I'm dragging down those who love me. 

Sunday, June 3, 2012

just another day

Ugh, just another horrible day. I Think im getting a sinus infection boo!!! GOOD NEW!!!! only a couple more weeks till im outta this appartment and i will have my own house soon :) not much else to say. i need to get to writing more. o well peaace out!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

SO depressed and tired of it alll....

Over the last few months we have been dealing with these stupid new owners from hell and this weekend has made it even worse. the sent everyone a letter saying that they are no longer going to allow us to have pets of any kind. my cats are my saviors they know when im upset and need some love i don't know what im going to do if i have to get rid of them. my mother in law is in the same place too. shes even talking about moving. and i love where we live i don't want to move plus places are so exspencive around here. im so stressed out im loosing hours and even whole days that i just cant remember. i don't know how much more of this can i take.... i want to cut so bad but i've been doing so good i don't want to risk that habit... im so lost right now i don't know whats going to happen. all i want to do is curl up and cry...

Friday, March 23, 2012

Dazed and confused

Oi... this week  has been crazy other than knowing i was in a car accident i do remember much. i think i blacked out wth i hit the bus luckily there were no kids on the but and my car have way more damage. i just dont get how that the lady driving the bus was fine until emt got the and she burst in to teat. i barely hit the schhool . i pretty much just got stuck on the little over hang that is on the bus... omg soo stupid. i knew i shouldnt drive yesterday i have been way out of it all meek. so im not going to be driving for a couple day. and to top it all off my depressions coming back yay me! some one please let me off this roller coaster before it goes for another round :( also lately i cant tell whats real and not. i keep having hallucination and im talking to people and the i realize they cant be here... super sucky

Friday, March 16, 2012

Always Happens to Me....

So for the last three weeks i had thought i just misplaced my nook color, even though i have torn my house apart looking for it. Deep down i think i knew it was gone but was hoping that another item belonging to me had disappeared... So today i logged in to my barnes and noble account to find out some one had been buying books on my account... SO NOT COOL! luckily they were free books. so while i'm on the phone with barnes and noble who ever has my nook purchased almost a hundred dollars worth of book!!!!!! REALLY!??!?? Why does this always fucking happen to me... back in December my Nintendo ds came up missing in October my brand new iPod went missing. I am always having my stuff stolen i thought when my husband and i got our own place this would stop happening but it seems like now i cant trust anyone. no ones been at my house that i can think of that would have stolen it i just don't get it. i'm so frustrated and angry. grrr.... today would be a perfect day to cut but i have to fight the urges to do so.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Things are getting bad again....

I haven't written on here in a while things were looking up so I didn't really have much to talk about . So here is what's new. Our landlord sold our apartments and now we have new owners and we have no idea what's going to happen. I'm pretty sure they are going to raise our rent because our rent is way bellow market value but luckily we have rent control so they can only raise our rent 8% but what I'm really worried about is if they can make me get rid of my kitties. I'm so scared they are like my kids and I will be devistated. And there is still also the chance that they could just evict everyone out of the whole complex. My anxiety has been so bad because of all this I haven't been sleeping and things are getting crazy in my head. I have feeling like this all I do is worry. But I did decide to start dbt group therapy and I think it has helped a little. I'm learning. That I shouldn't worry as much because worrying isn't going to change the out come of the events and I just need to live in the now
So that's what's going on that's it for now I guess hope for the beat is all I can really do.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Hello Again My Friend!

So i haven't written on here in quite a few months. I had been doing a lot better with the new meds they put me on up until about two weeks ago when i went in for my annual girly check up and i found out i have something called polycystic ovarian syndrome. basically my girly parts aren't working. which is why i haven't gotten pregnant. i'm having a really hard time dealing with this because they don't know if i'm going to be able to get pregnant with out the help of fertility meds and all that not so fun stuff. i don't know what i will do if i cant get pregnant. becoming a mom is so important to me. ugh and i let my mother in law know what was going on hoping that with this and the fact she has a grand baby on the way she would stop bugging me but tonight now shes all well i want another grand baby other than the one she has coming... UGH really!!!! i just told you that i'm totally devastated because as of right now i cant get pregnant and not even a week after telling you this your going to start bugging about babies again.... UGH!!